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The Purple Revolution
There are days in motherhood when you look at the beautiful little people you created and feel truly overwhelmed by the privilege of raising them. Today was not one of those days. Today I stood in my bathroom wondering what level of criminal incompetence gets you snacks, clean sheets, and someone occasionally checking whether you’ve…
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Sugar-Free Gummy Bears: Because Apparently I Needed to Learn This Lesson After Ten Kids
Okay, so. Sit down. I have to tell you what happened at my house this week, because I need someone to laugh at me and you’re the person for the job. There are certain things you assume you know after having ten children. You know that silence is suspicious. You know that “I didn’t do…
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Apparently Mommy Works Outside Now, and Management Is Furious
For most of Harper’s life, “Mommy has to work” has meant absolutely nothing threatening. Mommy works all the time. She works at her desk, on her laptop, on the phone while making lunch, and she sends estimates while somebody is asking for a snack despite having just eaten seventeen minutes ago. She works late at…
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The Mosquito Picked the Wrong Family
Somewhere in the last few weeks I’ve been dealing with memorial cabins, insurance paperwork, lawyers, Royal Caribbean customer service, and approximately fourteen thousand emotions I didn’t order. So naturally, life decided my next emergency would be a mosquito. Parenthood has impeccable timing. It waits until you’re already down for the count and then hands you…
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My Snake Became a Serial Killer
There are moments in life when you realize you’ve lost control of your household. For some people it’s the toddler coloring on the walls. For others it’s the dog eating the couch. For me? It was realizing one of my pets had escaped prison, committed murder, attempted a second homicide twenty-four hours later, and then…
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The Vacation That Didn’t Happen
I have been counting down to this cruise for months and not in a normal, healthy way. I mean the kind of countdown where every stressful thing gets met with “just make it to the cruise.” Customer being difficult? Cruise. Invoices piling up? Cruise. Laundry mountain threatening to become a geological landmark? Cruise. The cruise had…
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Forty-Two Hits Hard
Kris turned forty-two today. I would like to report that he spent the day surrounded by family, enjoying lunch, opening gifts, and celebrating another year of life. Instead, I have to report that his memory apparently expired at midnight. Not gradually. Not over time. Not after years of aging. Immediately. Like a software update gone…
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I Bought a Crow Suit to Scare My Husband and Now I Can’t Stop Wearing It
Thursday night, I realized something slightly horrifying. My children are not the only ones emotionally attached to character onesies. For years, I judged them lovingly. Hugsy the Lion. Unicorn Lynnlee. Tiny humans waddling around this house dressed like magical woodland creatures with fruit snacks in their pockets and zero interest in normal clothing. But they…
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Goblins, Raccoons, and the Unicorns Keeping Society Alive
I have reached a point in adulthood where I no longer believe major corporations are fully operated by humans. I’m not saying there are no humans involved. I’m just saying somewhere between the warehouse, the shipping label, customer service, and the mysterious “awaiting carrier pickup” phase… society appears to hand operations over to woodland creatures…
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Magic Can Be Loud
Today was one of those days that reminds me why I hold onto the chaos instead of fighting it all the time. We took the kids to Let’s Fly and I don’t even fully know how to explain it. Immersive. Overstimulating. Hilarious. Beautiful. Loud. Somehow magical. All at once, all the time, everywhere you turned.…
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Crumbs and Chaos 